Stay Away From Netflix’s Terrible New Kevin Hart Movie

Photo illustration by Elizabeth Brockway/The Daily Beast/Netflix/Universal/AMC

Photo illustration by Elizabeth Brockway/The Daily Beast/Netflix/Universal/AMC

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There are approximately 47,000—oh, wait, a new Netflix original just dropped, that’s 47,001: TV shows and movies coming out every week. At Obsessed, we consider it our imperative social duty to help you see the best and skip the rest. We already have a variety of exclusive, in-depth coverage on all your streaming favorites and new releases, but sometimes a simple Yes or No is what you’re looking for. That’s why we created See/Skip, to tell you exactly what our writers believe. what you should see and what you can skip from last week’s packed entertainment landscape.

Nick’s jump: Personal time is Kevin Hart’s worst movie yet, setting a new record for most audible moans in under two hours. Hart and Mark Wahlberg engage in boyish antics to send their masculinity into free fall, but the laughs stop at the name of Wahlberg’s character: Huck Dembo. I admit that listening to “Huck Dembo” hardly justifies the existence of this movie, but how can they explain the other 90 minutes?

“It will surprise no one that, at regular intervals throughout this joyless affair, Hart is also demoted as a ‘bitch’ and a ‘pussy,’ and told he has no ‘balls,’ the film underscores his status almost castrated. so often that the headliner’s schtick begins to seem almost masochistic.”

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Coleman’s Choice: Kevin can fuck himself it remains one of the smartest shows on television in its second and final season. If you have ever woken up on your couch at 3am with a migraine and Friends blasting from your TV at levels that break the sound barrier, you’ll understand Annie Murphy’s unrelenting rage in this highly original blend of comedy-drama and sitcom.

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“But the genius of the show is that every time Allison leaves her husband’s venomous orbit, the sitcom style instantly turns into a single-camera comedy-drama. It would be easy for a series like this to use his gimmick as a crutch. A show can only last so long with the vapors of its initial novelty… But Kevin can fuck himself proves that its ambitious concept was a springboard to create one of the most challenging and powerful stories on television.”

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Kevin’s jump: How many times can these horny Europeans do it? The next 365 daysThe sex scenes of once-controversial franchises have come crashing down, but at least there’s some gay kissing this time around. Still, another 365 days? that’s just so many days. Aren’t you tired? Don’t they need to hydrate? They’re losing body fluids at a rapid rate and I didn’t see a Vita Coco on anyone’s nightstand. Seeing people play fast and loose with electrolytes like that, I can only suspend my disbelief so far.

“Sometimes it’s fun to see some attractive people fucking. But that’s what’s so frustrating about The next 365 days: It’s not funny. The film itself is less of a coherent movie than a patchwork of cheesy montages set to cheesy pop ballads that could be called “adjacent music” at best. The sex scenes, while gratifyingly long and plentiful, are shot and lit in such a way that it’s impossible to really decipher what’s going on inside the tangle of moaning bodies and thus, most disappointingly, actually being aroused.”

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Fletcher’s choice: There was a time not too long ago when seeing Idris Elba engage in close combat with a giant lion was unimaginable. After all, even the movies have their limitations! But luckily, the brave souls behind Beast they were there to give us what we never knew was possible. It’s silly, it’s extremely funny, and where else can you see one of our best actors take on a really angry cat?

Out of ammunition, Nate walks into the ring with his bare hands and a small boy scout knife. ‘Oh,’ I thought to myself, thinking he was smarter than the movie. ‘Idris Elba is going to lure the titular beast into the other lions’ den, and the other male lions will protect the pride from him. Idris Elba is not going to fight the lion with his knuckles. He was wrong. “

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