Yeah, I’m going to complain about the heat even though I’m inside doing nothing but binge on melon margarita sundaes and Netflix.
The popsicles are smooth and fresh, but Netflix is a bit judicious, asking me every few hours, “Are you still watching?” Yes, yes, I am and what do you care? Sheesh.
I also changed my social media status from “married” to “in a relationship with my air conditioner.” There I also saw a post from a friend who said that it was so hot that his chickens were laying hard-boiled eggs and picking up worms with handles. Another friend posted that although she hated to complain, it is so hot that when she went out to do the shopping, two hobbits threw a ring at her.
It’s hot as fried Hades out there. Seriously this weather is like training for a trip downstairs so when I take breaks from my Netflix binge I mostly just go to the freezer to get another popsicle but I do take a few moments to pray for salvation in the because this weather is showing me that I am not prepared for a prolonged visit to Beelzebub.
I mentioned this to a friend who replied, “I feel you, honey. I got a voicemail on my phone today. It was the Devil calling to say that he wants his climate back.” We both agreed wholeheartedly that he could have it.
I have made a habit of putting my bed pillows in the freezer a couple of hours before I go to bed. I tried to freeze the sheets but when I put them back on the bed I was sweating like a sinner in church and the sheets had completely thawed. So that was a failure.
Honestly, I’m so hot I’m sweating enough to be my own slip and slide. I just need to put some plastic wrap on my lawn and yeehaw!
When it’s this hot, it’s a challenge figuring out what to wear. My Aunt Pearl used to say, “Honey, dress for the body you don’t have, the body you want, and you’ll be stylish all year long.” Obviously, Aunt Pearl never endured a heat wave in Northern California. Still, she would probably shake her head at me (while others cover their eyes) since she’s having a hard time not taking away what little I should have left. Good thing we don’t get many unexpected visitors to our place.
Speaking of what to wear when it’s hotter than blue flames, the Golem studio in Paris has created the OoOoooOoooOh la l’ice necklace. It is a solid silver chain that comes with a custom made silicone tray that allows the wearer to freeze “ice cube stones” onto the chain, upon request. When not iced out, oooOoooOoooh the l’ice can be worn as a silver beaded necklace or doubled as a choker. How clever is that, albeit a bit messy as the ice melts and drips for about 30 minutes, but still, with all the sweat going on in this hot weather, I’m already wet, so who cares?
I thought this would be the perfect gift for…myself. Unfortunately, it’s not sold on Amazon and I can’t afford a trip to Paris, so I decided to make my own low-tech version of this exclusive item. I am, at least, the poor woman version of Martha Stewart. The “recipe” that got ridiculously rave reviews online included ice cubes, a glass of water, cotton swab, and salt. Unfortunately, it was neither fashionable nor effective.
Making frozen melon margarita popsicles is so much easier and infinitely more satisfying than making an ice cube necklace, so for those who want to chill, here’s the recipe. I suggest putting on a combination of songs like “The Heat is On”, “Hot Blooded”, “Hot Fun in the Summertime”, “Love is Like a Heat Wave”, “Sun is Shining”, “Summer in the City”. ”, “I’m on Fire”, “Highway to Hell” and “The Heat is On” as they mix up a batch.
Margarita melon popsicles
- 3/4 cup tequila
- 1/2 cup orange liqueur (Grand Marnier, Cointreau, Triple Sec, etc.)
- 1/2 cup fresh lemon juice
- pinch of coarse salt
- 8 ounces cantaloupe, shelled
- 8 ounces watermelon, shelled
Directions: Combine tequila, orange liqueur, fresh lime juice, and coarse salt in a large bowl. Cut the melon and watermelon into segments. Soak melon in tequila mixture for 15 minutes. Insert popsicle sticks into wedges. Freeze on a wire rack-lined baking sheet for 1 hour.
Don’t have popsicle sticks? Don’t worry, just freeze the pre-soaked melon wedges and eat with your fingers or chop and eat with a fork or better yet chop and use in a margarita cocktail on the rocks because it’s always 5 o’clock somewhere, right? No?